she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
