I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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