My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
