you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
