piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
