Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
