He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please come you make the beer taste better
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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