So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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