i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
