At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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