I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
