dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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