You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
