My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
