Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
