I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
