just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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