dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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