I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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