the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
