considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
