I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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