He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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