A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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