I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
