Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
