he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
