So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
