Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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