I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
