He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
