Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize