ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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