Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
