People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
