I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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