Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You can't motorboat a personality
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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