The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
