I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
