When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
