Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
