Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
