Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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