Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
