Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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