We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
