3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
