I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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