Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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