You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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